Blog

Jul 25, 2023

Follow me to the death

Program:Earshot Wrestlers moving in ring, crowd chanting “woooah”, bodies slamming into the ring Miyuki Jokiranta: How would you feel if your partner’s passion was mutilating himself and his opponents

Program:Earshot

Wrestlers moving in ring, crowd chanting “woooah”, bodies slamming into the ring

Miyuki Jokiranta: How would you feel if your partner’s passion was mutilating himself and his opponents for entertainment?

Wrestler growls

MJ: Would you hesitate? Or would you go along for the ride, and follow him to ringside?

After the days of celebrity wrestlers Hulk Hogan and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Erin Dick grew up glued to her TV in the mid-2000s, idolising the professional wrestling stars of World Wrestling Entertainment, or the WWE.

But on the fringes of the pro wrestling world, is Deathmatch wrestling. This style uses steel chairs, barbed wire and fluorescent light tubes as combat weapons, to tell a bloody story of survival in the ring. This is where Erin met Callen, a deathmatch pro.

Entrance music playing live (Ocean Grove: Junkie$)

Ring announcer on micorphone: Fighting out of Melton, Victoria, he is, Callen Butcher!

Crowd cheering

MJ: I’m Miyuki Jokiranta, and on this episode of Earshot, Erin has to reconcile her love for Callen and Deathmatch. Will she follow her gut, or her heart?

And a warning, this is wrestling, so there's gonna be some graphic action and strong language coming up.

Punch, crowd: “Woah!”

Erin Dick: I’m ringside and mid-match at a pro wrestling show.

Steel chairs making impact, wrestlers wailing in pain

ED: I’m kicking through strands of barbed wire and broken wooden doors, with thumbtacks and shards of glass crunching under my shoes. I’m leaning into the ring to check that my partner is okay.

Erin: Cal, you good?

Callen: *Heavy breathing* Am I bleeding?

Erin: Yep.

Crowd cheering, banging on ring

ED: My partner is wrestling - He’s lying on the mat face down. He looks up at me with blood running down his face.

Callen: C’mon!

Crowd cheering

ED: Callen Butcher looks like a wrestler, standing at 6 foot 4 inches, with long dirty blonde dreadlocks. When he gets in the ring, he’s capable of extraordinary and often violent stunts. But outside of the ring,

Keys rattling, door unlocks and opens

ED: he’s a gentle giant, and the most caring person I know.

Callen: Hey.

Erin: Hello.

Callen: How are you?

Erin: Good, how are you?

Callen: Eh, I’m okay. Busy day, but better than yesterday.

ED: Callen and I both grew up as wrestling fans in Melbourne’s west, and moved in the same circles of the local wrestling scene in our early 20s. We’re now living together and two years into a relationship.

Music

Callen Butcher: My dad was always a wrestling fan. So my earliest memories as a child are coming home from school to watch pay per view with my cousin.

ED: Callen’s parents, Kelli and Mark, didn’t know that one day, they’d be following their youngest son around the state to watch him perform.

Kelli Butcher: He was born into watching it.

Mark Butcher: I started watching wrestling in Australia when, it used to be on -

Kelli: Channel 9

Mark: on Saturday mornings, with Mario Milano, and the we started getting WWE

ED: A few suburbs over, I was watching the WWE every week. On some level, I knew it was all showmanship. But I was obsessed. I needed to see John Cena defeat the bad guys. I was captivated by the daredevil stunts, defying gravity. The drama and comedy, the grandeur of the characters. And, how their relationships evolved. Then, after finishing high school, I stumbled upon a whole new world of independent wrestling right on my doorstep in Naarm, Melbourne.

Music

Callen: I was blown away that there was wrestling in Australia.

ED: Callen started training to become a pro wrestler in 2014. By the time he was ready for his first match…

Callen: I only had my Mum and Dad in the crowd, ‘cause I don't have that many friends outside of wrestling.

Kelli: You'd always loved wrestling, so we were worried about the result on your body. Maybe your shyness would stop you from getting further but we’re so happy for you to be going as far as what you are.

ED: Back then, Callen wasn’t so sure of himself. He was still figuring out the kind of wrestler he wanted to be, what his character would represent.

Japanese train line announcement, train running

Callen: Myself and my group of friends decided to go on a trip to Japan. Somewhere that I've always wanted to go since I was a kid.

Train doors opening

Callen: While we were over there, we looked up what wrestling was on in the area because wrestling is very big in Japan.

Crowd cheering in big arena

Callen: I'd never really been exposed to deathmatch wrestling before. so I didn't really have an expectation of it.

Japanese deathmatch

Callen: And then the deathmatches started. And we’re sitting third row, we get given these ponchos to wear and we're getting showered with glass. And there's people breaking concrete bricks over each other and it's just absolute chaos. But it's organised chaos and I fell in love instantly.

Callen: I'd been wrestling for about four years at that time. I'd always been pretty good at what I do. But nobody was walking away from the show saying “that Callen Butcher he's my favourite”.

Music

ED: Through the eyes of anyone who knows him outside of the ring, Callen is fiercly loyal, attentive and humble to a fault. He never likes to take up too much space or be the centre of attention, despite his towering stature. But when he puts on his all-white ensemble of denim jeans and a zip up vest, he transforms into his new character: “The Nobody”.

Callen: I feel like everybody at one point in their life has felt like they're not incredibly important, whether it be in like their home life or their job. I'm a diesel mechanic.

But at my job, I don't feel like I'm ever gonna be considered one of the important people there. I'm just one of the grunts in the workshop. And I feel like other people could connect to that

By calling myself a nobody, people would latch onto that and hope that I can make something out of myself which would then give them inspiration if they were feeling that way that they could make something out of themselves too.

Kelli: Even his persona the Callen Butcher persona his in ring character it's still quiet it’s still when he gets angry he gets ang-, you know, it is Callen, but it's Callen in stereo.

Mark: It’s just turned up.

Kelli: Yeah, I suppose it's you being you.

Music fade

ED: That night in Japan, Callen’s passion was re-ignited. He had found his calling.

Callen: After the show, we were standing out the front and I was just buzzing about what I'd seen. And I said to one of my friends, I'm gonna do deathmatches when I get back to Australia.

Ring crew setting up for an event

ED: We’re here at a deathmatch wrestling event in a bandroom in Melbourne’s west, where we catch up with the rest of the crew, set up the ring and get everything ready for the show.

When Callen first came home from Japan, he found the local deathmatch scene. He didn’t think twice about getting involved.

When I heard about it, I wanted in. It wasn’t long after Callen that I joined the team as a producer. This is where we finally met.

in ring movement, music on speakers

Callen: Deathmatch wrestling is more along the lines of going to Ancient Rome and going to the Colosseum. Because it's the technical side of professional wrestling mixed in with various weapons such as barbed wire or glass or uh, thumbtacks that you put on a push pin board. It's using blood and violence to tell a story.

Callen: It’s all real, All the light tubes are real. We choose tempered glass that shatters into a million tiny pieces rather than something that shatters into shards of glass that will impale you.

Music

ED: I love deathmatch wrestling. There’s just something so visceral about it, so punk yet spectacular.

When I grew up watching wrestling, the WWE was much more violent than it is now. This meant hardcore brawls, with tables, ladders and chairs were a staple. I’d watch these matches as soon as I got home from school, before my parents got home. The stakes were higher. The action was thrilling, even horrific. The blood pouring down the foreheads of wrestlers, their wails of pain and the ravenous crowd, changed my brain chemistry. I couldn’t get enough.

As a viewer, it’s like watching a stunt show or a slasher film from the safety of your own seat. But not everyone would jump in the ring to take part.

Music fade

Callen: Everybody is a consenting adult playing their role in a performance art.

Erin: But what you're doing is objectively dangerous.

Callen: Yeah, it's objectively dangerous. But there is a way to be smart about It.

In ring movement, wrestlers warming up and rehearsing pre-show, music on speakers

Callen: Yeah, like at the start we can just work around, tease, tease tease. Until, like, you go to whip me

ED: Callen takes on the role of the veteran when he starts planning his match with his opponent, the young upstart and deathmatch newcomer, Charli Rose. They rehearse the performance, check in on boundaries, and work out the safest way to put on a show. They’re standing in the ring together.

Callen: We’ll have the door set up in the middle. Then you grab the skewers and jam them into my head.

Charli: Yep.

Erin: Have you ever skewered someone in the head?

Charli: Have I ever? No.

Erin: How do you feel about it?

Charli: I’m excited.

Callen: Are you taping your hands?

Charli: Yeah.

Callen: Make sure you just put extra tape on the hand that you’re gonna be hitting,

Charli: Okay, yeah.

Callen: Because it sucks.

Charli: Yep, I didn’t even think about that, yeah.

ED: For things to look real, they usually are. Sure, wrestling is predetermined, more like a dance than a fight. But the skewers? Real. The blood, real. Like any stunt show or performance, the risks are real, and the performers are only human. So they do what they can to make sure they are going home safe at the end of the match.

Callen: Being able to be creative and come up with ways to either gross people out or to make them feel happy or sad. Nothing makes me feel the way that being in the ring makes me feel like that.

Backstage chatter, music on speakers, Callen rustling through bag

ED: Callen is kneeling over his suitcase in a green room. It’s packed with sweaty bodies and people warming up, planning their matches and building their weapons.

Callen: So, I’ve broken my razorblade up into four pieces, and now I’m gonna cut a really big edge on them, so it’s easy for me to stab it into my forehead if I need to bleed.

ED: There’s a science to everything he does. There’s an expertise and a purpose that he brings to his craft.

Callen: I like blood in wrestling because it makes it look real it’s just, it’s raw and it’s primal. Like, you can watch a wrestling match and people get punched in the face a thousand times and never bleed. But what I do, people watch it and they believe it.

Music return

ED: Wrestling was and is my ultimate escape, where everything is larger than life.

In some ways, Callen chases pain, while most people will do everything they can to get away from it. To me, deathmatch is suspension of disbelief that goes beyond the action in the ring. It gives me a means to escape my body and get swept up in the emotions of the performance. It makes me feel free

Callen: You never know what somebody's got going on in their lives. But if they go to a wrestling show. It's live action theatre that completely takes you out of the real world. And I think that's really special. That's why I think it's the coolest art form in the world.

Music

Erin: *Laughs* It's, corny as hell, but I definitely felt like an instant attraction. Because you just listened. You made space for me. When I was feeling, you know, some type of way coming into the wrestling scene, not being a wrestler thinking it might be a bit hard to find community and to find my voice and to feel heard in this space.

Callen: Like I've had relationships with people outside of the business, and they don't understand it. Because it's a very life consuming thing and then you have to choose between something that you love or somebody that you love.

ED: We started the journey together, as I followed him around the world, learning to produce and promote events, write characters and craft storylines, all while falling for each other.

But, watching wrestlers beat and bludgeon each other on TV, or even in a live setting, is one thing. Knowing that it’s your friend or your partner, or your son in the ring, is something you can’t really prepare for, no matter how willing or in the know you are.

Callen: How do you feel about what I'm doing now?

Kelli: Look *pause*. Like I said to you, you're my baby. I-I don't want to see you hurt.

Mark: Yeah, I think It's dangerous.

Callen: Yeah, of course, it's dangerous.

Mark: It's like trying to put an old head on young shoulders because you're gonna do it and try to do it to the best of your ability, but I’m just worried where your body is going to be in 30 years time. So we'll see how that goes. You’re just like me, worry about it when you get there. *laughs*

ED: I do worry about Callen. all the time. In all the hours we’ve spent together on the road, traveling from gig to gig, watching him fight in the ring - there’s been plenty of times where I’ve wondered, “What if something goes wrong?” Even with all the precautions he takes, sometimes, things don’t go to plan.

Callen: I'm *deep breath* a professional, and I know what I'm doing and I'm gonna be safe 90% of the time.

Erin: Do you honestly, like in your heart of hearts believe that I believe that? Or do you think that I've just heard you say it enough now that I've, like, I'm just going with it?

Callen: No, I think you trust me.

Music fade

Erin: Alright, you ready to do your fake tan?

Fake tan pump compresses. Rubbing tan in

ED: Every show day starts the same. As I rub fake tan into Callen’s back, arms and chest, I feel the ripples and bumps in his skin, where glass and shrapnel have pierced and sliced his once-blank flesh.

Erin: You’re orange.

Callen: Make sure it blends in.

Erin: *wheezing laugh*

Callen: Remember, it’s all gonna be covered in blood later anyways.

Erin: That’s true.

Music

ED: From the dips and chunks on his hands, to the ruler-length scar that runs over his shoulder like a big cat scratch, and the scattered red ditches across his back. His skin is like a roadmap of everywhere we’ve been together.

Callen: And it's just like the story that it tells if you go back and listen to, like, biographies of samurais or ancient warriors, and they had the scars for their battles. It's kind of the same deal. Where like, I look at the scar on my elbow, and I'll remember that was from the first ever New Zealand deathmatch tournament or I look at the scar on my shoulder. And that was the match where I lost my first ever deathmatch title. There's stories that are in every single scar.

ED: His worst injury to date is the long white raised scar on his upper arm.

Callen: I've been through panes of glass a million times. And this time, when I went through it, I threw my arms back to try and protect myself and one of my arms hit the rope. And there must have been a piece of glass that was stuck between my arm and the rope. And the softest place for it to escape was to go through the meaty part. So it gave me a really nasty cut on my arm. I had to roll out of the ring and get taped up. And then after that match, I went to the hospital and got 13 stitches.

Erin: It's just I don't think you can actually prepare yourself to be standing in a circle with your mates and your partner who are all covered in blood. I'm learning what to do to help you. It’s gotten a little easier But it is still like a little bit of a fight or flight reaction, I think, and I don't think that's ever gonna go away.

Music fade

Suitcase unzips

ED: After putting on his fake tan we clean out and pack our bags from the week before.

Cal: Okay, so I’ve got my boots, I’ve got my gear, I’ve got my knee pads, and my elbow pads.

Erin: Okay, heat pack…

Music

ED: While Callen packs to embrace pain, I’m preparing to ride it out. I carry an invisible pain that is chronic illness, including fibromyalgia. Imagine having the flu, a hangover, and missing a night’s sleep all at once - That’s how I feel most days. So we always make sure that I’m prepared in the event of a flare up on a show day.

Callen: make sure you grab your pain killers while you’re out.

ED: You wouldn’t know from looking at me that I might be struggling inside. But, when we come home from a show, and Callen is beaten, bloody and bruised, I’m usually the one crawling to bed dying for some sort of relief. When the adrenaline of being on my feet all day wears off, my pain can’t be ignored. His wounds are skin-deep, while mine run much deeper. But my cards were always on the table, and Callen saw me in my entirety.

Callen: I'm able to separate the fact that everything that I do on a show day I chose to do where you didn't choose any of your pain. That's why I'll always put your needs first. I'm able to understand the fact that I'm in pain because I'm a big silly boy. You're in pain, because that's how you are.

Music fade

Erin: Okay, we're rolling. Hi, Mum. Hi, Dad.

Catherine Dick: Hi, Erin.

Gordon Dick: Hi, Erin.

ED: My Mum and Dad came to an event in January 2021, to see Callen perform in a deathmatch for the first time.

Catherine: My main memory from that is that Callen was covered in deliberate cuts And you had a tiny little cut on your arm with a bandaid on it. And he was fussing over you from this one cut. I thought that was nice.

ED: Dad wasn’t sold.

Gordon: So he's choosing to jump into a ring and get smacked over the head with a fluorescent light, is the same as your health issues? I don't think so. He could choose not to put his body at risk. And I think that's a choice that he needs to think seriously about. Now that he has responsibilities

Erin: Being me?

Gordon: You, rent, bills, job, job security, future. All of the above.

Callen: I think that I'm smart enough to know when I’m, when I have to call it quits and I'm not gonna keep going and keep pushing through pain if I'm in pain.

Gordon: That still doesn't account for a one off accident. *Gordon shuffling his feet* A freak accident, something that's not planned. Alright, you know your body’s sore, you can slow down, you can plan ahead but for a one off freak accident that might occur in the ring, you can't plan for that. You don't know when it's going to happen. When you're using chainsaws and nails, ladders,

Catherine: Glass.

Gordon: Exactly.

Gordon: I'm sure one day you'll both move on. So we'll just wait for that day.

Erin: Do you, *pause* see a future for us?

Dad: Yeah. You'll both die gracefully and in a nursing home, you with your fibromyalgia and Callen with his broken spine. Yeah, a long and happy retirement together. Should be beautiful.

Catherine: Yeah, I agree. I think there's longevity in this relationship.

*everyone laughs*

Music

This was a reality check. It wasn’t a game anymore that ended after the final match. Callen Butcher the wrestler and Callen Butcher my partner, had become the same person. it’s as if my two loves were colliding and I wasn’t ready for what they would create. But, deathmatch was never up for debate. I gravitated to deathmatch when it showed me that pain can be controlled, and even overcome, in a beautiful and transcendent performance. Despite the pain that a show day can bring us both, this was our life now, and I had to learn to live with all the peaks and valleys it might bring.

Music end

Back in the wrestling venue, crowd chatter, music on speakers

ED: Doors have opened. 100 or so punters from all walks of life filter into the venue. The drinks are flowing, as the show kicks off.

Clapping

Ring announcer: Alright, how’s everyone doing today?

Crowd cheering

Announcer: Feeling good!

ED: 3 matches down, and Callen is up next.

Announcer: Alright, we have got a deathmatch coming up. It is the Callen Butcher Deathmatch Open Challenge with a 30 minute time limit. Introducing first.

Music on speakers: Junkie$ by Ocean Grove

Callen: Make some f*cking noise!

crowd cheering

chanting “Some-bo-dy”

ED: The crowd chant “Somebody” as Callen makes his way to the ring.

Callen: Come on everybody in here, [inaudible] 2023!

ED: It’s been their way of showing that they relate to “The Nobody”.

Ring bell, Callen vs Charli

ED: Callen and Charli go toppling through wooden doors, swinging steel chairs and jamming skewers into each other's heads.

Crowd groans in disgust

Callen: Oh fuck! Aww, that was f*cking stupid!

Crowd laughs

Callen: Aww, that sucked!

ED: Charli gets up on the ropes, diving onto Callen and knocking him off his feet.

Callen: Ow, there’s a toothpick in my back! *Groans in pain*

Crowd gasps

Callen: Grab the broken door and hit me with it.

weapon making impact

Crowd members: Let’s go Cal! Come on Callen!

Eventually… Callen slams Charli to the mat,

Bodies hitting wrestling ring

while the referee counts.

Ref slamming the mat with an open palm

Crowd chant: One, two, three. Ring bell

Music return: Junkie$

Ring announcer: and your winner, Callen Butcher!

Music fade

ED: Callen and Charli roll out of the ring one-by-one. We pass through the crowd and return backstage.

Fan: We love you Callen!

Cheering and clapping

Atmosphere shift from crowd to backstage

Announcer: Alright legends, we’ve got a 15 minute intermission [trails off]

ED: They debrief after the match.

Callen: You all good?

Charli: Yeah, I’m all good.

Callen: Yeah.

Charli: Thank you so much.

Callen: There was just a few things where it seemed like you were rushing.

Charli: Yep.

Callen: Like the only thing I’ll say is slow down, everything else was great.

Charli: Totally. Yep, cool.

Callen: I didn’t see the skewers but it felt like they were in pretty proper.

Charli: Good!

Callen: Cool.

Erin: How do you feel about your performance?

Callen: Yeah, I think I went okay.

Erin: What’s your post-match comedown ritual?

Callen: Uh, have a cigarette, then maybe the rest of my Red Bull.

Erin: Hey, I love you.

Callen: I love you too.

Kiss

Car parking, ignition turns off

Callen: Home sweet home.

Erin: Yeah

Callen: I’m ready for bed.

Car doors close, Crickets chirping

ED: Our two bodies work in unusual harmony. Despite how differently our experiences of pain and our bodies present, we both carry a pain that is misunderstood. And that’s what makes us strong.

Erin: deep breathing, cries

Callen: Just focus on your breathing

Erin: Yeah, *deep breathing cont*

ED: I’m curled up in bed in agony from a pain flare.

Cal: It’s okay, it will pass.

Erin: *deep breathing cont.*

ED: I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep. The dull aches from the day have suddenly turned into spot fires throughout my body.

Callen walking through room

Callen: Do you want a cold glass of water or something?

Erin: *Exhale* Yeah?

Callen: Okay.

Erin: Thank you.

Callen: That’s okay.

Music

Erin: When I'm having a bad pain day I’m feeling like I can't manage things on my own, having you there has really been a blessing.

Callen: Yeah. Hopefully it makes you realise that you don't need to tackle anything alone. Because you've always got someone in your corner.

ED: Deathmatch has been the vehicle that we can both ride to find relief from life’s burdens. It’s been our purpose, our community, our escape, and the glue that binds us together.

So it came as a shock when Callen decided it was time for him to call it quits. At first, I didn’t understand where this came from. But he didn’t want to burden me. His mental health was suffering, his body was hurting, and he wanted to be more present for us. After hearing that, any doubts I had about his decision slipped away.

Callen: *sigh* I don't see myself living to 75. But if I get to 75, I wanna be proud of what I was able to accomplish in my life. But I also want to be able to take a walk down to the park and be able to do it relatively comfortably.

Erin: Yeah, and hold my hand.

Callen: Yeah, I still want to be able to go for a walk and hold hands with you when I'm old.

ED: I had to choose, too - Do I stay? But it would never be the same without him.

Callen has followed me to hospital just as many times as I have followed him. Our bodies are always changing, but there is complete freedom in leaving any fear of that at the door, when we have each other. There is grief and uncertainty at what our lives might look like now, but just as I learned to let go, trust him in the ring and follow his lead, we get to start this new chapter as Erin and Callen, my Somebody.

Callen: You feeling a bit better?

Erin: Yeah a little bit

Callen: Good, just relax.

Erin: Can you sit with me?

Callen: Yeah.

Music fade

Miyuki: Follow me to the death was produced by Erin Dick. The sound engineer was Matthew Crawford. And if you want to see a photo of Callen in the ring, head to the Earshot website.

Erin and Callen still love to sit down and watch wrestling together. But now, with the newest member of their family,

Erin: Gus…

M: their cat Gus.

Cat chirp

Erin: Hey little man. Erin walking through room

Earshot theme

M: Next time on Earshot - When Claire followed her husband to live inside a gated community on the NSW south coast, she never imagined she would spend the next decade hoarding food and covering her windows to prepare for the apocalypse. She’d unwittingly joined a doomsday cult – can she find the strength to follow her instincts and pursue a better life for her eight children? Find out next time on Earshot. I’m Miyuki Jokiranta. I’ll catch you then.

[ENDS]

How would you feel if your partner’s life’s purpose was to mutilate himself and his opponents for entertainment? When Callen Butcher picks up his home-made weapons and puts on his fake tan to perform in the Deathmatch wrestling ring Erin Dick, his partner is ringside. Erin is a disabled person living with chronic illness, a normal day feels like having the flu, a hangover, and missing a night’s sleep all at once. But when she watches Callen in the ring, for a moment she escapes her body and her pain. While he fights for that adrenaline rush, as if chasing death, she is fighting to feel alive.

But Erin also finds herself riding a rollercoaster of emotions – fearing for his safety and worrying that his love of deathmatch could take from them a long life together. And in the back of her mind the question, who will take care of me then?

Guests:

Thanks to Ocean Grove for use of their track JUNKIE$.

Credits:

Published: 23 Aug 2023Wed 23 Aug 2023 at 1:00am

Published: 21 Aug 2023Mon 21 Aug 2023 at 1:00am/with Miyuki Jokiranta

Published: 14 Aug 2023Mon 14 Aug 2023 at 1:00am/with Miyuki Jokiranta

Published: 7 Aug 2023Mon 7 Aug 2023 at 1:00am/with Miyuki Jokiranta